The Best Fanfiction to Ever Bless Your Face
by Rosepetals and Strife
Summary: There really are no words to describe this fanfiction. Please know that its all crack and we don't actually think it's good. I'm cry.
1. Sand Paper XXX

Author's Note: So this is Strife-chan, but I'm 17 now. I reread through all of our incredibly bad fanfiction we wrote. Like seriously? The best part is that we thought it was GOOD. So here's my attempt at matching it, but hopefully with much more tasteful humor.  
Not really.  
Disclaimer: The characters included in this fanfaction aren't ours. Their behaviors and fuck all attitudes are though. Kishimotorola sensei should be proud. *insert me gusta*

Beyond the vast forest and bountiful trees, lay a village. MADE COMPRETERY OF KEANU REAVES. And in that village was a young lad, composed completely of sinbad. And I mean actual copies of the VHS for the Disney movie Sinbad.  
He went by Lee. But since he had puberty devellopement problems, They called him Rock Lee. Or Broccoli. He had two teammates, and a version of him from the future with an even bigger bulge in his all-spandex jumpsuit. Growing up, Lee had been quite self concious(?) about his bulge. But after meating with his iDole, O'shala'prah Whinefreiy (ice cream), he realized having a buldge on natl. television was a OK thing to have ;]

One sunny (and Cher) day, The Rock's team and him were on a mission to The Hidden Village in the Sandshrew to visit the Kazekage. They had an important package for him, and it was up to them to get it there safely. On they're way, they did some things.

Arriving at theer destination, ElevenEleven and that pupilless guy who doesn't talk told LEe that they were gonna go have hot, steamy, wild, juicy, vomit-enducing, 8-way, epileptic sex. He was completely fine with this.

The kazekage saw IraqLee coming a couple miles away, and by miles, I mean inches.

"HI GAARA I HAVE A PACKAGE FOR YOU SEMIBOWEL DEE"

"okay i would like it now"

"Now?"

"YES NAO."

Lee bent Gaara over and had his way with him. right than/

The END 


	2. BiL Coslee

For the majority of the lives of THE PEOPULS that lived in Jonoha, life had been peacful for the most part. Yup. But they were still unsure of what lurked beyond their concave of trees and leefiness. god help them if any of them are vegetarians. I mean really. EETIN DUH VILLADGE. Anycone, A dark force lurked beyond their worst fears. Beyond the long flowing hair that laced the face of their sworn enemy, Orochimaru. The skin of the beast was black. Or dark brown. you fucking choose. And his attire consisted of vomit patterned knit that gently carressed his every roll and curve.

His name was Preperation C. His goal in life was to spread the joy of pudding, jello, and vest. Also herpes.

He had strong ties with the village of Lonoha, and used this to his advantage. He quickly infartrated once the war broke out with acne, and prettended to be a villager. He opened an antique shope in the bad part of the city. Yeah. That part of the city. Werewolf you don't know if you'll be stabbed in the kidney or not at any moment.

I'm talking to YOU, Shia Mcbuffman.

His business wasn't going to well, so he turned to the ninja mafia. He gone and done murders, bad murders. The kind of murders that killed people. A lot.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

And so ALL the mafia was all like "Alright, Handsome Cosbee. i'll troubleshoot your prawblum. But only under one shampoo conditioner"  
Cozbee frowned incrfedibly hard. Like.. obscenely hard at this curve ball. (But.. its okay. Cuz he a catcherz mitt (Romney)).

He held up a finger and left the room. When he came back, he had a large bag. He pulled out a sweatervest, and placed it on the floor. He repeated this really really tediows process several moar times. The mafia was confused.

"What is the conditoneer?" The sweaters spelled. Cosbill had shocked them all once more with his finness and finlandness.

"The condition is that u sleep with all of us. We have been confinces that you have herpes, and we'\d like to have it to.

"Hmmmm."

"If you don't, I'm cry

"OKAT"

So after a couple minutes, everyone had slept with him. "Welp a deals a deel Bing Crosbi, we will help you r scrotum."

"Scrotum?"

"PRoblem hahahaha sorry""

"Do you need tums? i was told my dizkoe stikqw gives ppl 3burn" ThemaFiaA nodded, The mafia was in dire nead of tums. ALL OF THE TUMS IN Monoha was needed. But one lonely mafia was all like "rollades" so BillCrocidilly gave him rollerbladez.  
But like.. thats notwhat that one mafia wantud. So. balls.

THE fuck. END.


	3. MALARIA

IMGONNAPYUKUKELE.

So Cawzbie. Yeah. That whore. He's been in Honoha for a while now. Andthe mafia has great respect for the little boe as time goes on and stuff. So one day while strolling through the freshly paved streets of fonoha, I cant remember his name. the fat kid with the panties. TROLLJI? gudenuf :3 So. Cahtbee was all like "HEYUKIDD" and he was all "Yup?"

It was destinee's(Child). The constest was on.  
Narutoes came from the building all blushing and sexy in his knickerz and said through a grass beam "WHO WEARZ SHURT SHORTS. WE ALL WEER SHURT SHITZ" :3 yup.

But then, yes, you guessed it lamaffiuh came out of NOWHERE (Their headquarters overluking the contest) and then the price line negotiator was all like 'I SHALL SUBMIT. But.. I forewarn you all. I have diabeetus." the crowd stirred. "All the tiem?" asked the mafia. "Not on the runway, no."

The contest was almost ready to be played. But first ! The bettings.

"I will be liking to take the lots of bippees." Said a man who was Walken on sunshine. "And make them... sweet."

"YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPEE?" Yealled Kakashi-sensie. He was already wearing a sweater vest. He got it from The Great Costby.

"Yes. I want to be betting thems on Magickarp."

"BUTT MAJICSHARPE ISN'T A

So later that day. Bill Slye the Ninjutsu Guy wasn't dead. He sang the Tonoha anthem for the contest.

"Hey how you doin lil mama? lemme whisper in your ear Tell you sumthing that you might like to hear You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft Mind if I touch it? and see if its soft Naw I'm jus playin' unless you say I can And im known to be a real nasty man And they say a closed mouth dont get fed So I don't mind asking for head You heard what I said, we need to make our way to the bed And you can start usin' yo head You like to fuck, have yo legs open all in da butt Do it up slappin ass cuz the sex gets rough Switch the positions and ready to get down to business So you can see what you've been missin'  
You might had some but you never had none like this Just wait til you see my dick

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Wait til you see my dick Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Imma beat dat pussy up Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Wait you see my dick Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Imma beat dat pussy up

Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM

Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy Up, Beat da pussy up

[verse 2]

You fine, but I aint gone sweat ya See I wanna fuck, tell me whats up Walk around the club with yo thumb in ya mouth Put my dick in, take your thumb out There might be a lil kosher to deal with Wet fat hoe's they dont spill shit I keep a hoe hot when I'm puttin' in work Wanna skeet skeet you bout to get your feelin's hurt Cuz I'll beat dat cat with a dog And knock da walls of a broad til she scrawl Like (OOOOOH!)  
Yea something like that, but it depends on the swing of the baseball bat Fuck a bitch on da counter make the Plates fall Back On the floor she aint screamin she a nut so they crack Crack...crack Fuck that bend over imma give you a smack

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Wait til you see my dick Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Imma beat dat pussy up Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Wait you see my dick Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick Imma beat dat pussy up

Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM

Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy Up, Beat da pussy up

(OOOOOOOH!)"

Everyone cheered at his tigress I mean prowess and some people exploded. They just couldn't handle all that dick.

THE CONTEST ITSELF

Everyone lined up for the big race. NArutoes didn't know if he'd be faster than Lee, so he asked Because Its Not Google Cosby to have the mafio delay him. They did. The mafiaz came and poored a hole bucket full of Jenson Ankles onto him. Lee was so overwhelmed with joy and lust that he jsut couldn't.

HE couldn't.

FIN 


End file.
